One musing too many

Sitting here at Craig Ranch State Park for the 2023 Las Vegas PRIDE 2023!  and Wouldn’t you know the oddest best most spectacular musing occurred to me.   Isn’t it your parents job when you are a kid to check if you’re happy?   I know they’re there to feed, clothe, protect, etc and ask that shit… but the most important details when you’re a kid is happiness.   I can’t be the only one who thirty years later can attribute most of not all of my bullshit from not truly being happy for most of my formative years.   Looking back — I’m 🤔 thinking never did my mother ever check in to see if I was doing okay.  Not when I got in trouble a bit, not when I kept running away.   I wonder if I had actually gone through with my suicide plans would that have affected her other than for the funeral plans she would have to make or family looking sideways. I long away acquired that she was going through her own shit with my father’s untimely demise leaving her alone to raise for kids slop by her lonesome; where would my understanding come from though?  Here decades later with almost no friends and no prospects of any or significant attachments at all and it leads me to think something was wrong then and it firmed my idea of what Normal or the usual was.   That’s still the same notion I have still today. 
Damn!


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