- Interchangeable parts – won’t.
- Leakproof seals — will.
- Self-starters — won’t.
- If you try to please everyone, nobody will like you.
- A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.
- Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
- Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
- In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don’t need it.
- The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the price of the carpet.
- Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.
- If it jams- force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
- If you fool around with a thing for very long, you will screw it up.
- Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath to the exact center.
- When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.
- A repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.
- No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you’ve bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
- You will always find something in the last place you look.
- The other line always moves faster.
- Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
- You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
- If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.
- The minute you get interested in someone is the minute they find someone else.
- Nothing is as easy as it looks.
- Everything takes longer than you think.
- Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
- It there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong. Corollary: if there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen at then.
- If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
- If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
- Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
- If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
- Mother Nature is a bitch.
- It is impossible to make anything fool-proof because fools are so ingenious.
- Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
- Every solution breeds new problems.
- All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
- There is always one more bug.
- A bird in the hand is better than one overhead.
- Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral, or fattening.
- If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
- Beauty is skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone.
- In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
- Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
- There’s never time to do it right, but there’s always time to do it over.
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